Forks in the Road

Do you know where you're going to ?

Do you like the things that life is showing you ?

Where are you going to  ?

Do you know ... ?

I went running at UM yesterday evening. A very pleasant 4.5km loop with a gentle slope. I'm always reminded of my dad whenever I step into UM - how it must have been so exciting and grand back in the 60s as a young man/teenager from a small town, to have 'made it' to the premier university in the country.

We must have driven by/through the campus numerous times, when we lived in the Seksyen 16 PJ in the 1990s, with my dad reminiscing about his time there, but he never suggested any of us going to UM. Somehow, we were encouraged to go abroad. I didn't give it much thought back then. 

UM has a lot going for it: gorgeous mature campus with beautiful architecture situated amidst rolling hills, proximity to the city, and world class education. Some of the residential buildings are in sad disrepair though, ironically, these are the 'newer' ones that are less than 20 years old. 

I discussed this with okm last night, as he grew up around the corner, off Jalan University; and if UM was one of his choices for tertiary education. During that conversation, he referred to a world bank study that examined the trajectories of NUS and UM, which share historical roots, but diverged after Singapore and Malaysia's separation. I think it might be the one below:

https://www.academia.edu/122852472/The_National_University_of_Singapore_and_the_University_of_Malaya_Common_Roots_and_Different_Paths

tldr ...

I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Coming back to home, my dad taught 6th form math and coached volleyball at MGS for a few months after he graduated. Reading math at university, and then becoming a math teacher, was the expected pathway for my dad. But this was where his path diverged from his elder siblings. He got a job with the government statistics department, and after a couple of years, he joined the computing/IT department at Shell. Apparently there were not enough computing grads locally back then, so they recruited from Stats Dept. Perhaps not many 'Malayans' wanted to go to Miri, Sarawak - but my dad being the intrepid traveler in every sense - was ready for adventure, and convinced my mum to go along as well. My grandma/his mother tried to dissuade him: the quotable quote being, "Don't go, the mossies there are ENORMOUS". It's a funny story, but she was only trying to protect him, her maternal instincts overriding the fact that she hadn't been outside of Malaysia at the time, and did not have a clue about the fauna in Borneo.    

After being in front line politics for a decade, and then stepping aside, albeit maintaining a fairly public persona in academia for the last couple of years, okm recently returned to the corporate world. I asked him if it was like coming back to 'square one', and what life might have been like, had we gone down the expected, tried, and trodden 'corporate' path. His response was: probably neither 'better' nor 'worse', but definitely not as rich in experience. 

(NB: On public life: It still never ceases to amaze me how people who don't know, think they know. iykyk.)

Our days may come to seventy years, or eighty, if our strength endures; yet the best of them are but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away. Psalm 90:10

I sometimes think about my parents - had they not migrated when they were in their 50s - would they be still alive today? Healthy, and playing mahjong with friends/relatives in PJ? Nonetheless, my parents were always intentional in their decisions and follow through. They loved and embraced their life in OZ. My brothers posit that since my parents had relocated so often throughout my dad's career with Shell, what was one more move. Having just turned 50, I don't think I'd be able to relocate at this age, without a strong catalyst, and much less to another country. It would have been stressful for them initially, but they were never ones to back down from a challenge, and ultimately - they had wonderful years there. Sorting through old photos now, and recalling all our conversations (thankful for technology, since many of these were via phone calls); collectively a testament to the richness of their lives, having taken the path less travelled.

Old photos and a chat about the generations

Photos, because of how they may evoke strong emotions, are usually kept for the last bits of personal effects to sort through. re: The Art of Swedish Death Cleaning. 

My mum passed away in 2022, and it's taken me this long to sort/look through my parents photos: black and white prints from their youth, photos from their life together, starting from 1973 onwards till 2000s when we switched over to digital cameras.   

Generational Wealth

I've been thinking about 'generational wealth' lately. Not merely in the dollar sense, but in terms of pooled family resources, which can include knowledge, experience, relationships, & networks. Perhaps instead of 'generational' it can be termed as 'familial' since majority of us are not sufficiently wealthy to ever fund the lifestyles of future generations. Yet 'generational' is appropriate because it acknowledges inherited wealth, and how that lays the foundation for wealth that is generated in this lifetime, and its compounding effect for future generations. The POV is saving for rainy days ahead and a sense of stewardship. It is also interesting that the bible considers wealth management an active and on going practice. The servant who was given little, dishonored his master by burying it in a field. Nonetheless, the bible warns against hoarding treasures here on earth. Conversely, we are encouraged to pool resources and share with each other 'as needed' and as we are able. 

Update: It has dawned upon me that NOT inheriting trauma is a form of generational wealth. A relatively calm and peaceful household, with lots of laughter mixed in with the tears is something to be very grateful for. 

Proverbs is full of wisdom on 'wealth'. Here are a couple of interesting ones related to 'generational':

Know well the condition of your flocks, and pay attention to your herds; For riches are not forever, nor does a crown endure to all generations (Proverbs 27:23 - 24).

Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord (Proverbs 19:14) 👀

The reward of humility and the fear of the Lord are riches, honor and life (Proverbs 22:4).

東京. 京都. 大阪. Itinerary

Home is not Here

Back in September, I had the immense privilege of meeting Prof Wang Gungwu at a very lovely dinner party hosted Dr Lee. 

According to Prof Wang's wiki entry, he is an Australian historian, specializing in the history of China and Southeast Asia, educated in Nanjing University, University of Malaya, University of London SOAS, and a founder of Parti Gerakan Malaysia (!)

Last week, I chanced upon this book on our bookshelf - a partial memoir recording his formative years of growing up as the only son of literate parents in multicultural colonial Ipoh, to their long dreamed of but short lived return to China, and ending just as he continues his tertiary education at the newly formed University of Malaya in 1949.

I appreciated the straightforward story telling against the backdrop of war and uncertainty. 

But the part of his story that resonated with me most were his observations and challenges of balancing overlapping cultural identities and heritage - when you're not quite 'other' - that was foundation for his interest in the chinese diaspora. 

(Not quite 'other', is my own made up term to describe having a different cultural experience from those from the same ethnic group) 

Just as when you're 'other - other', certain assumptions are made about you when you're not quite 'other', one being exclusionary and the other inclusionary - real or perceived. 

But there is a rootedness and assuredness that those who grew up in the place where they were born and in a culture that is not dissimilar from their parents, with the same set of friends for 20 years, take for granted. Like calling yourself PJ boy or girl. Like knowing you have a place to return to after university abroad. Like not having your code switch on auto-pilot all the time. This has been my own personal observation - which I would love to discuss with Prof Wang if I ever have the opportunity to meet again. I do hope so. 

On the flipside to the un-rootedness, there is a freedom - to discover your own path (which Prof Wang does, as his concludes at the end of the book) - and hopefully find your way home one day, some day. 

merdeka & patterns

Happy 66th anniversary of Malaysia's independence day!

On this Merdeka day, I'm thankful for the privilege to be able to take time off from being a 'salaried' person. 

It is nearing the end of 2 weeks since the last day of employment at nwka. Feels much longer somehow. Feels good. Already there is a pattern emerging. A daily routine forming. Let's see what becomes of it another couple of months down the road.

reflections: on death and becoming an orphan at 47

1/My parents were not supposed to die 'young' in their early 70s. I always expected them to be around till their late 90s, like my mum's dad, and my dad's mum. but I forget that I had other grandparents who died before I was born and did not meet.

2/When my parents died, I gained vocabulary. cardiac arrest & pulmonary embolism. 2 medical terms I had no prior concept of before feb18 2019 & june22 2022. My world has changed since then. I now belong to a club I never wanted to join.

3/When my dad died, we did not have time to grieve properly. my brothers and I went into auto mode to make sure mum was ok and try to make up for my dad's presence in her life. it was like climbing Mt Everest. But we tried nevertheless.

4/My dad died pre-pandemic. extended family flew into Sydney from all over the world. Many of them arrived before I did. I arrived to a full house. my mum, and my brothers and me shifted into 'hospitality' gears automatically.

5/It was a big and beautiful send off. I think dad would've enjoyed it, from the moving eulogy and slide presentation by my brother ed, to the choral presentation complete with trumpet by his choir, to the splendid tea spread, and the sermon message by his long time pastor.

6/ My mum's funeral was small, sweet & beautiful. like her. a bible verse read by Phil, a hymn led by Ed on the guitar, liturgy & short sharing by Ed's pastor. We had contemporary music to close with Moon represents my Heart (at which point 2 of my aunts bawled)

7/ Both my parents died suddenly and unexpectedly. They were not ailing and went for regular health check ups. I think the trauma of receiving phone calls informing that my dad/mum passed away will lessen with time but neither will it go away completely ever.

8/ Life goes on. Same yet different. I think that it is impossible for those who have not lost parents to understand. But we all have to walk that valley eventually unless we precede our parents.

9/ On a more hopeful note, I have been given a second chance to build relationships with my brothers and their families in a way that we never sought nor imagined when my parents were alive. And I know my parents would have liked that